Why?
by animeloverhomura
Summary: Haibara asks Conan a question that most of us have been wondering about. Why does Conan give everything up to protect them? Why does he care?
1. Chapter 1

This is going to be a one shot unless you guys all _really_ want me to do a follow up chapter. Unlike my other ones this one is going to be serious. If you don't like how I do serious things tell me and I can try to change it. I'm considering maybe eventually starting on another more serious thing so we can see what happens. Please review.

"Why?! What the hell is wrong with you!" Conan could have sworn that the whole neighborhood had heard her, but in all honesty he couldn't exactly blame her given his current situation. He was at the Kudo mansion after being brought here by Subaru and Amuro. They were fighting the organization and in order to save the life of an organization member he took a fatal bullet Chianti was trying to hit a member with before she was captured.

"What do you mean?" Conan asked, not sure what exactly she was angry about this time. She hated how he always got himself hurt, but also hated when he confronted the organization, and also hated when he worked with Subaru, and also hated when he did anything _she_ considered reckless.

"Why?" was all she could breath out. Conan could only give her a completely lost expression along with a silent message to continue.

"Why do you want to save everyone, you hate them-they essentially killed you. Why save the people who have destroyed your life? Why choose to save everyone you can?" Unknowingly to both of them, their argument had drawn the attention of several people who had decided to listen in. While Haibara was not aware they were in the building, Conan had asked them to wait nearby so that he could review what had happened with them and to tell anyone who asked that they were just making sure he was ok. The silver bullet-Shuichi Akai, now as Subaru Okiya, zero-Furuya Rei, now thought of as Amuro Tooru or Bourbon, 007-Hidemi, now known as Kir were all finding themselves listening in on a conversation that had an answer to a question all of them were curious about. Hidemi hoping that in the short time she had being an actual CIA agent again before she had to return to the organization she would be able to learn more about the complete enigma that had greatly changed the life of both her and Akai Shuichi. She knew next to nothing about the boy, so it would be an interesting experience. Subaru shifted up from his book, not yet opening his eyes but not under the complete guise of normalcy, and made eye contact with the other two in the room. They shared a short silent conversation that consisted of 'let's stay quiet and listen, I want to see where this is going.'

"Why? Do you honestly believe that those people are worth saving, that they'll regret their actions in the end and change? Well I'm sorry to tell you but I don't think that that is going to happen. They've lived their entire lives as killers, why would you sacrifice yourself for them?" That last statement attracted the attention of a pretty blond nurse with glasses and her hair up in a bun. Having been in the ambulance to help Conan get home safely she had already finished the emergency aid and was about to leave. She stopped her walk through the hallway nearby and let go of her act, changing from the nice nurse to Vermouth. Not physically of course-do you have any idea of how long it would take her to redo her mask?- but mentally she dropped all of her defences.

Flashing back to the memory that mattered more than almost anything else to her she remembered. The rain still evident on the stairs they stood on. The wind out and the sky a depressing gray. Her absolute confidence that she was going to die. The fear as she felt the ground beneath her disappear as she started to fall. Until angel saved her. That was a stupidly nice act. Once that changed Vermouth's life. But that was not what mattered most to her. Angel was strong, but not quite strong enough, she would have had to let go eventually. No it was the boy. Sure, she had seen that he was a genius, one that the organization would love to have on their side. But he was also Yusaku's son so she had supposed that was to be expected. Yusaku never would have helped her though. Never would have said a 'you're troublesome' and allowed someone to live saying that you never needed a reason to save someone.

Even through all that, she never had gotten a clear answer. You do not need a reason to save someone, but that does not mean you always should. So why would he?

"Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not Ran. I can't honestly believe that everyone in the world is worth saving." That surprised all the listeners. Was that not the reason he saved them all? What was he talking about?

"Then why-"

"Because I don't feel like I should get to choose." He looked up to see her confused expression, "people are able to surprise themselves all the time. I do that to myself too. I think I know myself well enough to predict my actions and then I'll still do something that surprises me. I may be a detective, but I can't know everything about everyone I have no way of knowing if there is anything I can do to change someone. The possibility, however, is always there, so I should save everyone I can to make sure that there will always be another path for them to take. I don't know everything about Ran no matter how long I've known her, or the kids no matter how simple they may be in comparison to the murderers I work against constantly. If I knew everything about everyone then I would be able to prevent at least some of the deaths that I'm always at…" he trailed off, thinking of Seiji and the moonlight sonata.

"If I don't know everything about someone, then I have no way of knowing whether they'll end up regretting or changing their ways. All I can do is give them the opportunity so that the few who can change themselves get the chance to. No one in this world is completely evil, just like there is no one who is perfect. I just need to find what changes each specific person." That had shocked Vermouth still. 'I see,' she thought. 'You are right, there is no one in this world who is completely evil. Everyone should be saved for that possibility. Cool guy, although you say you're not as strong as angel, I think you might be even stronger. Regardless of what they do to you, you are always able to believe that there is some chance of saving them. Well, I suppose I am a perfect example to show that you are right about your assumption. Thank you for giving me another chance.'

"Well, that's not the only reason," he continued unaware that everyone watching was giving him their undivided attention. "I am around death a lot so I suppose this really shouldn't surprise me but I won't let someone die if I can help it. I've met people at malls, amusement parks, playgrounds, aquariums, movies, ball games, only for them to die within a few minutes of them meeting me. Every week I have another four-ish deaths to add to my count. I've had days where I meet someone and feel like we are going to become friends soon, only to find them within minutes missing limbs and lying dead on the floor. If I have any chance of saving someone, then I at least feel like I can keep another death off my conscience."

"...Oh." Haibara responded, not having even considered what having a good 90% of the people he meets die would do to someone who valued keeping others safe more than anything. "I see, that makes sense."

"Sure does…" Furuya whispered. "I had never thought about his mental state before."

"Well, he acts so much more mature than his physical age seems, I suppose we all forgot that he is still a civilian who can feel these deaths just as much as anyone else." Hidemi continued, sure to keep her voice low.

'Even 16 year olds should never have to find acquaintances dead every other day. I suppose it makes sense that he does not want to choose whether someone should live or die. A mix of him not wanting anyone else he even remotely knows and him being aware that people change must cause quite a strong desire to protect others to form in him.

Happily, a blond nurse walked away thinking about everything she had just heard, while the three members of different government organizations thought to themselves about the fact that despite his mental strength and combination of desire and ability to keep others alive he was still human. A human who could feel scared and weakness. A human who was always surrounded by death and could really not save everyone.

'Why?'

'Because I can't take that chance.'

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So? Like it? Hate it? Please tell me what you all think! Look forward to your reviews on how I showed each character.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm going to mildly criticize Ran in this so sorry if that offends anyone. I am trying to keep it pretty unbiased but a few things that she did bug be so I would like to bring them up. You can see part of why I don't like her as much on my profile, review if you have any other points to bring up on that topic.

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Conan sat silently in the Kudo mansion, thinking. 'I have never thought about killing someone, I have always tried to save them, was that right? How many people has Vermouth killed because I saved her? If she really was that serial killer, then would letting her die have saved the lives of more people?'

He had been thinking about it for quite a while. Why do you save people? That was the question Haibara had asked him. Why did he? At the time he had said it was because he could not take that chance, and that was still true, but was it worth it to save the few who did regret it if it also meant keeping the ones who did not alive?

He thought back to when Ran pulled the curtains closed when a sniper was aiming for the man who was keeping them hostage in the detective agency. It had turned out alright, but what would have happened if he did not think of a way to resolve the situation peacefully with just his voice everyone there would have died because of her action. Was she in the right? When was it right to save someone? Why won't you accept that you are also taking a chance when you decide to keep them alive?

However, he was sure that in the moonlight sonata case he had been in the right to try to save Seiji's life. Then what was it that made the difference? He would still save Vermouth if her life was in danger and he could avoid it, but what about all the people who suffered because of her actions like Jodie?

Detectives are supposed the be able to save lives(1), but what about the lives that are lost because of their actions? Vermouth did have a caring side to her, that was proven by her defending of him and Ran, but she also tried to kill Haibara. How much suffering could Haibara have gone through if he had not come up with a plan to save her? Then again, he did also come up with a plan to save her, so would everything balance out?

Akemi Miyano had killed several people, but she only did that because she was brought up by the organization. She was a wonderful girl who was willing to do almost anything to keep her sister happy and safe. But Conan still failed to save her life. He had succeeded in saving Vermouth's while he failed at saving the life of a girl in a similar situation but completely different intentions. So intentions did not matter.

Then what did? When should someone decide that it was fine to let someone die and fine to help someone live? Why? Why would Vermouth be worth saving, but Seiji someone who he could not understand the plan of fast enough to save?

At what point did saving lives become obstruction of justice? At what point did wanting to keep as many people alive as possible cause more deaths? He would never change his desire to save everyone, but there had to be _something_ he could do to not cause more death as a result. He was able to save Haibara's life, why not anyone else's? Haibara had been part of the organization. He did not hate her for it, but it would be a mistake to forget that she had undoubtedly killed and experimented on people. He had succeeded in saving the lives of two murderers, but not the lives of many of the innocent civilians who were constantly murdered around him.

Why? Why was he not able to stop their deaths(2)? Did he need time to make a plan? Ran was constantly crying as a result of the deaths of others, he constantly felt guilty. Why could they not do anything about that? Should you let someone die if it will directly save another person's life like in hostage situations? But in the case where Ran closed the window curtains they were able to make it out with no deaths rather than one. Did that mean she did the right thing?

Then again, there have been people who want to commit suicide that he had saved. There was the one case where the husband caused Ayumi to think that the wife was trying to kill him so that he could try to kill her and then he wanted to commit suicide. Conan had stopped him and then the couple was able to forgive each other and come to terms with everything. That man was living a happy life with a child and wife, so that meant it was the right decision to save his life right?

Why? Why save criminals if there is a high chance you will cause the deaths of others? After thinking about it, Conan decided his answer was the same. 'Yes, you are right, it might be a bad idea that will cause more deaths. But sometimes the only option is to save as many lives as physically possible, so I can't take that chance.'

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This is meant to be a call back to by 'Detectives' fanfiction.

Sorry, Conan. You can't stop their deaths because Gosho would not have anything to really write about then.


End file.
